Thursday, January 12, 2012

What I learned from pretending to give a fuck about the Republican Primaries

This is an article that was removed from a certain news website due to its profanity...


In the last couple of weeks, I've learned that no matter what, republicans will go with the most obvious choice, but only if they are brought to it kicking and screaming. Since the beginning, we've all known that Romney would be the candidate of choice, the obvious choice, the man with the bank account to actually run for president. Unlike back when another east coast politician with a lot of money and a strange religion, everyone got past the Mormon thing. Everyone also got passed Romney-care as well, deciding that his business experience made up for his actual care for human beings.

But not all of them. Romney loves firing people. He has experience too. But does any of that really matter? no.

Because the republican primaries have already lasted too long. Since the beginning we've fucked around thinking about all of the crazies, even giving Sarah Palin strong numbers even though she never announced an official candidacy. Bachmann, Perry (GWBII), and even Anal Leakage Party Representative Rick Santorum have all had their shot, and it was hilarious. But now, now it's time to get serious and elect the guy with the most reasonable candidacy.

Ron Paul.

Not that Ron Paul is my top choice for... anything. Other than crazy uncle. That would be awesome. But Ron Paul is the only candidate who has consistently held a position, has real republican values (outside of war mongering) and could possibly beat Obama in a debate, seeing as he can actually string a sentence together that doesn't involve copious use of the word "I." Plus, it would be entertaining as hell to watch polar opposites when it comes to spending go head to head.

So, to bring it to an actual point, to hell with South Carolina, and Florida for that matter. The primaries are boring and a waste of time. Let's pick a candidate by lottery. That way we could gamble on it, like real Americans.

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